sigh…..

Ok, so I am worn out!  Left the house this morning at 3:50 for STL and got here about 10:30.  Great trip, no problems, just a little long.  Gotta sing for a funeral/memorial service monday.  Since I am not catholic, I am winging it.    1 song that I know, the other 4 I don’t.  It will be a exercise in sight reading!!  WOOHOO!  Ok, that is about it.  Nothing big, just thought I should update.  later!

How do I appear?

Hmmmmm…..Appearance.  A word that just caught my eye here on this screen.  Now, it is talking about the appearance of your blog page, but makes me think of my appearance to others.   I am not talking about my physical appearance, but my spiritual one.  What do my friends see?  Can they see that I am miserable?  Do I let them?  I think that would be the more appropriate question.  Why do I/we put on a front around our brothers and sisters so they might think that we are doing great, when in actuality we are the complete opposite?  This has been bugging me for a little while.  These are some things that I am going to ponder for a little while.

Ok, so I didn’t mean to write a blog that was depressing….just wanted to provoke myself to think a little bit.  These are definitely some things that I am going to be praying about this week.

Thinking about food……

Of course, my last post was about dieting…now I am thinking about food.  I actually have not eaten tonight, so it is not a bad thing.  Want to eat somewhat healthy, so now I have to figure out what to eat.  Oh well, just promised that I would update more.  Totally craving wings!!!  So not healthy, but sooooooo good!

later!

To be or not to be……fat, that is the question.

Ok, so it has been forever since I have written anything on here.  New years always brings about resolutions…ones that we don’t keep.  What is one of the biggest resolutions?……..”I am going to lose weight”, this said while consuming a half-gallon of ice cream or a pizza.  As Neil said this past weekend, this is going to be the time everyone is going to be buying all the infomercial exercise equipment, P90x, Tae-bo, Turbo booty jam…blah, blah, blah.  I am tired of the resolution craze.  It is just time to do something!

I know I have talked about this before, and while the intentions were good, it didn’t happen.  Ughh!  Well, my goal is to get healthier, and yes that includes some massive weight loss.  How am I going to do it?  Well, good ole’ fashioned diet and exercise is my plan.  Ok, being a contestant on Biggest Loser would be nice, but alas it is not the situation.  I have been pondering what has been holding me back from doing this.  Am I so comfortable with my size that I am afraid to lose weight?  What am I afraid of?  I guess that would be the question.  You get so comfortable in your own skin that anything different seems frightening.  I know that sounds weird…”Matt, why in the world would you want to stay in a place where you are hurting all the time, and feel bad most of the time?”  Good question.  I guess the answer would be……I HAVE NO IDEA!!!

Let’s face it……for fat people, food is an addiction…period!  You eat when you are nervous, depressed, happy, hungry, bored….etc, etc.  Do I have a specific plan?  Sort of, the number one thing is a complete lifestyle change as far as food is concerned.  Start getting exercise outside of work.  I am planning on working with my good friend mary ann again, it worked before.  I am needing to get as much of this off asap.  I am tired of getting tired when I breathe!  Ok, maybe that is an exaggeration, but you see where I am coming from.

So, why the big push to lose weight?  Well, if I am bound by my body, how is God going to use me?  Sure I can do some things, but not everything I could do.  I would love to get married at some point.  There is no way I could be the husband I needed to be at this moment.  Plus, what kind of way is this for me to treat the body God has given me?  So, keep me accountable!  When you see me, ask me how my diet is going?  Have I been to the gym today?  Just a good swift kick in the rear every once in a while.

Well, there ya go, this is what has been on my mind for a while.  I will update soon……I hope

Go forth and lose weight!!

And the Oscar goes to……..

Ok…The Dark Knight was AMAZING!!!  Not only was it non stop action from start to finish…..Heath Ledger was brilliant.  He completely owned that character!!  I highly recommend that you see it if you have not….I mean it….go…go now!!  See it in IMAX  if at all possible.  Not only was that the biggest movie screen I have seen, the sound was awesome!  My insides are still shaking.  Why are you still reading this?  Go see it now!!

Ok….I am done.

Does that come with a meal?

Ok, so I am finally going to see Dark Knight tonight…..the IMAX experience.  12.50 per ticket!!!!  Really?  Are we in New York?  I better like this movie!!  Well…I will write later and tell of my “IMAX” experience.

What is the problem Newman?

Hey all! 

Ok, so I am wondering if God purposefully makes it this hot so we can get an inkling of hell?  Ha!  It is blazing!!  I just cannot understand how people can jog at three in the afternoon…..nuts.  It is hard enough to work out in it, much less exercise. 

I really ejoyed the message this weekend….God has been asking me some questions this week.  What is the weight that is holding you down?  Are you willing to let it go?  Is it keeping you from Me?….this has been on my mind all week.  We know our sins and how they can shield us from truly experiencing God if we don’t let them go in repentance….but what are we holding onto that holds us back?  I have been wanting a new job for years…something in music of course.  I love the thought of worship leading….the past 2 years at NLC have really been amazing in that aspect.  I have been approached a few times about leading worship at different baptist churches.  My response always is that God is not finished with me at NLC.   While I do think that this it true in a lot of ways…I wonder if I am using that as an excuse.  Do I even pray over it and really consider it just becase the church has baptist in the name? 

Yeah, I have been burned working in a baptist church….but should that keep me from even considering it?  I think one thing that bothers me is going back into a situation where people are afraid of everything!  Where your faith is based on legalism and fear….not freedom and love.  Now, am I not wanting to even consider this because of fear?  Fear of falling back into that pit of legalism and traditionalism (which so many people consider biblical truths)?  Fear of losing my freedom?  Fear of change?  Fear of a backwards step?  Why should I not consider it?  Why am I afraid to take a leap of faith?…..I guess that is the biggest question.  Am I that arrogant to even think that I could not worship in a traditional setting?  Does God want to put me in a place to help create a spark of change.  Do I need to be the catalyst there to give people permission to be free?  I don’t know….this is has been on my mind all week.  While I believe God has given me these talents to use for His glory, why am I afraid to use them?  Is He putting these thoughts in my heart to see if I would even be willing to give everything up and follow Him?  While it is frustrating, it is also satisfying to listen to the voice of my Creator and see what He has to tell me. 

I guess what we all need to ask ourselves is….What fear is holding us back from truly walking in the will of God?  What sins are we holding onto that keep us from His perfect love?  Why are we so stupid that we cannot let go of all these childish things and completely embrace God?  I know these are questions that I have been asking myself for the past few weeks…escpecially this past week. 

Disclaimer…I know that all churches deal with legalism and traditionalism, but I am coming from the aspect of my upbringing.  

I really hope these rantings have made some sense to you.  Just thought I would share what God has been revealing to me. 

Peace!

Hello World

Ok, so I am starting this fresh.  I used Xanga for a while…got old.  Let’s see if I can keep this one going.  I am going to design this madness and see where it takes me!  Maybe I can be cool like abe and put videos and junk on it.  (love ya man) 

Peace and carrots